Who Dat? - The Grammar-Us Blog - Grammar-Us

Sometimes, I think that the correct use of who and whom has gone the way of the Edsel automobile, floppy disks, and the 8-track tape. (Children, ask your parents or grandparents, if you don’t know what these are.)  It seems as if nobody uses these two pronouns correctly nowadays! Like technology, language does evolve, but over a much longer period of time.  Perhaps someday, the rule about when to use who and when to use whom will change, but for now, the following are the usages that make grammarians happy.

The rule, in a nutshell, is:

WHO = Subject of the sentence. (Example:  “Who is going to the movies tonight?”)
WHOM = Object of the sentence. (Example: “I returned the wallet to whom it belonged.”)

How do you tell if the word is a subject or an object?  Here’s the rule:

The SUBJECT is always the person or thing performing the action.
The OBJECT is always the person or thing affected by the action.

If you are still a bit confused on which is correct, always remember that an object is going to be preceded by a preposition (to, of, for, etc.).  Virtually everyone has heard the phrase, “To whom it may concern…”  Keep that in mind – and remember the “to” – to help you remember when whom is the appropriate word.

A good way to figure out which of the two words to use in a sentence is to substitute “he” or “she,” “him” or “her.”  He and she are always used as subjects of the sentence. Him and her are always used as objects. Therefore, if “he” or “she” is correct, then who will be correct.  If “him” or “her” is correct, then whom would be the appropriate substitute.

Let’s apply this tip to the two sample sentences above.  Substitute he in the first example for “who.”  “He is going to the movies tonight” sounds correct, doesn’t it?  To say, “Him is going to the movies” would be incorrect.  Therefore, if you are inquiring about what person is going, you would need to use who.   In the second example sentence, put her in place of “whom” (you can delete the rest of the sentence). The sentence would then read, “I returned the wallet to her,” which is correct.  It would not be correct (and should not sound correct to you) to say, “I returned the wallet to she.”  Therefore, whom would be the correct word to use.

Here is yet another misuse of the word “who.”  You hear it all the time – people who ask, “Who are you speaking to?”  Well, aside from the fact that this sentence ends with a preposition, which is incorrect (more on prepositions in a future blog post), the use of “who” is, as well.  The substitution trick works with this sentence.  If you say, “Are you speaking to she?” it’s pretty clear that that is incorrect.  Since “she” is connected with “who,” then you will know that whom would be correct, because “her” is connected to “whom.”  (“Are you speaking to her?”)

A lot of people think they sound more sophisticated when they throw “whom” into their speech every now and then.  But, if it is used incorrectly, they end up sounding ignorant, not erudite.  Knowing when to use “who” and when to use “whom” can make a very good impression on your listeners or readers!

BONUS TIP #1:

And, while I’m on the subject of who, I may as well tackle the frequent misspelling of the possessive form of this word.  The correct possessive form of "who" is whose.  The word “who’s” (with the apostrophe) means who is.  Here are a couple of sample sentences, using who’s and whose correctly:

“Who’s going to the movies with me?” (Translation: “Who is going to the movies with me?”)

“Whose bag is that on the table over there?” (Translation: “To whom does that bag on the table over there belong?”)

BONUS TIP #2:

Just a reminder:  A person is a who, not a “that”!!!  All the time, I hear people say things like, “She’s the one that asked me if Rodney is single,” or “People that slurp their soup really irritate me.”  These sentences should read: “She’s the one who asked me if Rodney is single,” and “People who slurp their soup really irritate me.”

"That" is a reference to a thing.  People are not things!  Call me picky, if you will, but I consider references to human beings by using “that” to be dehumanizing and a sign of disrespect.  Please, please, please, recognize the humanity of the person to whom you are referring, and use who!