Me, Myself and I: The Narcissist's Nightmare - The Grammar-Us Blog - Grammar-Us

Personal pronouns are some of the most frequently used words in the English language – and perhaps the most abused.  In particular, “me,” “myself” and “I” are horribly confused and abused.  Hardly a day goes by that I don’t want to whip out my proofreading pen and correct something in writing, or yell at my television, the radio, or another person to correct the use of one or more of these words!  In my humble opinion, nothing makes a person sound more uneducated than misuse of these pronouns!  What makes it even more egregious to my tortured ears and bloodshot eyes is the fact that there is a simple, quick and foolproof way to determine which word is appropriate.

Almost all grammar gaffs involving “me,” “myself” and “I” occur when the pronoun is paired with another subject or object in a sentence.  Here’s a shining example of the kind of thing that sets my teeth on edge: “Me and James went to the ballgame last night.”  

There are actually two things wrong with the preceding sentence. First, when referring to oneself in conjunction with another, the personal pronoun (“me” in this example) should always be last.  Think of it as “verbal chivalry.”  You should always put the other person ahead of yourself.  Second, the word “me” in this sentence is incorrect. It is being used as a subject of the sentence – the doer of the action. Therefore, the correct usage should be: “James and I went to the ballgame last night.”  One simple rule to remember is that “I” is always a “doer” word – the subject of a sentence.

Just as people constantly (and incorrectly) use “me” when they should use “I,” so also do they use “I” when they should use “me”!  Here’s an example: “The guests brought gifts for Richard and I.” At least in this case, the “verbal chivalry” is there (the speaker put “I” last).  However, the gifts were brought for Richard and me, not Richard and I!  

In this example, “me” is an object, rather than the subject of the sentence.  In other words, something is being done to “me,” rather than “me” being the doer. Another simple rule: “Me” is always a “done-to” word – the object of the action.

And then, there’s “myself,” the third Musketeer of misused pronouns!  “Myself” is what is known as a reflexive pronoun.  That means that it is an object, a “done-to” word, rather than the subject of a sentence, and you would only use "myself" if you are the one doing the thing to “myself.”  For example: ”I hate myself.” Another example is: “I gave myself a pedicure.”  

You should not say, “Meredith and myself are going to the beach.”  That’s because nothing is being done to “myself” in this sentence.  You need the “doer” word, “I,” to make this sentence correct.  Similarly, it would be incorrect to say, “Timothy gave the tickets to Jonathan and myself.”  That’s because Timothy is the doer, not “myself,” so “me” would be the correct object to use.

Of course, there is always that cliché, “There’s an exception to every rule.” The exception for “myself” is that it can also be used for emphasis. For example, “I myself don’t like black beans.” I’m emphasizing in this example that I’m speaking for myself, personally, and not for anyone else.

THE PROCESS OF ELIMINATION TEST:

Is your mind boggled now?  Here’s the simple, quick and foolproof tip I promised in the first paragraph of this post. I call it the “Process of Elimination Test,” and I hope it will be the broom to sweep away all of the confusion:

Simply take out one of the two subjects or objects of the sentence and then say or think the sentence with only the personal pronoun in it. (You can do this silently, to yourself, to avoid appearing to be a lunatic in front of others.) I will go through each of the example sentences used above and show you how this works.

1. “Me and James went to the ballgame last night.”  Eliminate “James” from the sentence and then repeat what you have left: “Me went to the ballgame last night.” Does this sound correct to you (I sincerely hope not!)? If not, then you know that the correct pronoun would be “I.” You need the “doer” word, and “I” is always the “doer” word! Say it one more time, with the correct pronoun: “I went to the ballgame last night.”  There! Isn’t that better?  Now, just add “James” back in, and don’t forget your verbal chivalry.  What you should end up with is, “James and I went to the ballgame last night.”

2. “The guests brought gifts for Richard and I.” When you eliminate “Richard,” the resulting sentence would be, “The guests brought gifts for I.”  If your antennae detect the incorrectness of this, then you’ll know that this sentence needs the “done-to” word (object), and that word would be “me.” Therefore, the correct sentence would be, “The guests brought gifts for Richard and me.” Voila!

3. “Meredith and myself are going to the beach.” Eliminate “Meredith” from the sentence and repeat it: “Myself are (is) going to the beach.”  It sounds wrong, doesn’t it?  Replace it with the correct pronoun; in this case, it needs the “doer” word: “Meredith and I are going to the beach.”  Now, that didn’t hurt, did it?

The Process of Elimination Test works when you have any number of subjects or objects in a sentence; just eliminate all of the subjects/objects except the personal pronoun.  I have yet to find a single instance in which the Process of Elimination Test did not work to clarify which pronoun was the correct one to use!  The more you use the test, the easier it will get.  I’m willing to bet that, before you know it, you’ll be using the correct pronoun automatically and won’t even need the test to be your best in this particular grammar category!

BONUS TIP:

Alas, “me,” “myself” and “I” are not the only abused and confused pronouns.  “He” and “she,” “him” and “her” are also victims of misuse.  The good news is that the Process of Elimination Test works for these, too!  Here’s all you need to remember about these pronouns:

1. “He” and “she” are the doer words – the subjects of sentences.
2. “Him” and “her” are the done-to words – the objects of sentences.

Now, just to prove to you that YOU CAN DO IT, here are a few sentences for practice.  Use the “doer” and “done-to” rules and the Process of Elimination Test, don’t forget your verbal chivalry, and see for yourself how easy it is to correct the grammar!

1. “Me and him are best friends.”
2. “The exam was really easy for she and  I.”
3. “Him and her went jogging in the park.”